we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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