I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
