I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
