I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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