we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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