i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
