Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
