All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize