hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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