Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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