Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
