i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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