she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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