Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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