I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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