So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
