So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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