There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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