You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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