I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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