oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
