i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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