It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
