Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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