he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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