In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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