I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
