All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
