After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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