But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
