i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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