So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were trust falling into bushes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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