thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
