Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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