Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
