I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
