Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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