i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
