i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
