bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
