When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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