I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
