Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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