Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize