literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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