I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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