I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
