I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
