When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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