dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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