We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
