So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
