it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
