He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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