I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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