It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
