I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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