I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
