life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
