did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
