He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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