I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
