even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
