Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
