is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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