end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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